Grooming 101: Red Flags, Abuse Patterns, and Keeping Kids Safe with Michelle Denault
- Michele Gay
- 21 hours ago
- 5 min read
Trigger Warning: This episode tackles a difficult but critical topic, including sensitive content around grooming and childhood sexual abuse.
The Sound Off, a Safe and Sound Schools Podcast
The reality of grooming and childhood sexual abuse is scary, but we have to be willing to confront it. In this episode of The Sound Off, Michele Gay and new exclusive member of the Safe and Sound Speakers Bureau Michelle Denault, educator and sexual abuse survivor, explore the pervasive, systematic ways grooming is perpetuated and what we can all to do keep kids safe.
The discussion centers around the process abusers follow to manipulate their victims, the long-lasting impact of trauma for individuals and communities, and the facts we all need to understand in order to identify students in crisis. Additionally, Michele and Michelle focus on how we must all set aside our misconceptions and step up to protect kids in our care.
Below you’ll find a full episode guide complete with key takeaways, powerful quotes, and additional resources on red flags, abuse patterns, and what we can all do to keep kids safe. Listen to the full episode now to discover how you can become a protector of kids in your community.
Episode Guide
[6:00] Understanding Grooming: What It Is and Isn’t
Grooming happens most often between a child and an adult that they trust. Michelle lays out the seven step process that most assailants follow as they groom a child for abuse.
"We’ve spent a lot of time teaching our children about Stranger Danger, that that’s where child abuse comes from. But 93% of the time, the victim will know and trust the assailant.”- Michelle Denault
[19:00] The Role Other Adults Play: What Every Adult in an Institutional Setting Needs to Know
In culture, we normalize the idea of the “teenage vixen” or the “rite of passage” of a boy having a sexual relationship with an older woman. Michele and Michelle explore how these themes are dangerous and lead to kids being revictimized when a grooming relationship is exposed.
“We have a societal misconception that [grooming victims] know what they’re doing. We have that because it’s what we want to believe, because we don’t want to believe that the people we love and trust are [abusing] children.” - Michelle Denault
[29:30] Grooming and School Safety: The Need for Emotional Safety on School Campuses
School safety is not just about preparing for the physical threats of shootings and fights. Michelle details how threats to mental and emotional safety spill out into physical threats and how adults need to get comfortable talking about the dangers students are facing.
“Things are happening to our kids that are causing them to commit violence to themselves and others, and it’s important that we understand every facet of violence that is happening against our children.” -Michelle Denault
[32:00] The Impact of Trauma: How the Brain and Body Process Trauma
Trauma has long-lasting impacts on both the brain and the body. Michele and Michelle talk about the far reaching, and often times unexpected, ways trauma manifests in a person’s ability to process their experiences and function in day-to-day activities.
“You’re able to put [trauma] away to protect your sanity and to survive the storm, and that’s why there is so much delayed disclosure in victims.” -Michelle Denault
[38:00] The Unassuming Abuser: The Reality that Those Who Seek to Hurt Children are in Our Communities
The reality we don’t want to accept is that abusers can be in our schools, churches, and communities. Michele and Michelle talk about how abusers are expert manipulators and often look like the favorite teacher, the beloved coach, or even the Speaker of the House.
“For those of us who serve kids and serve in communities, have to understand that it is absolutely possible—and dare I say, happening—in your community that these people are in an among the rest of us, blending and looking normal.” -Michele Gay
[46:30] The First Step in Safety: Supporting Kids Without Crossing Boundaries
Schools are a place where adults can become confidants and support systems to kids, but boundaries are still important to ensure those kids are emotionally safe. Michele and Michelle discuss the standard of adults never being alone with students, no matter the circumstance.
“There are times where you have to go above and beyond for a student, but there’s ways to get what kids need to them without grooming behaviors coming into play.” -Michelle Denault
[54:00] Actionable Advice: What You Can Do to Keep Kids in Your Community Safe
There are steps we can all take to keep children safe. Michele and Michelle share steps that everyone can take to ensure that kids in their community are safe and supported.
“If you suspect there is a child being abused, I need you to make that call [to the Department of Children and Family Services]. Don’t go to your supervisor first—make that call first. That is the most important thing you can do. And if five of you suspect, all five of you need to make that call.” -Michelle Denault
Listen to the Full Episode
The truth is that 1 in 10 kids will be abused, but we have the power to change that statistic. This episode of The Sound Off dives into meaningful solutions that go beyond harmful misconceptions and staying silent in a situation that doesn’t seem right, offering a deep and thoughtful exploration of how understanding the truth of grooming and being willing to speak up can transform student safety. Whether you’re a parent, educator, or administrator, the insights in this conversation are a must hear for everyone committed to building safer, stronger school communities.
Thank you to this episode's proud sponsor Status Solutions and the Status Solutions Network. Status Solutions provides situational awareness technology to enhance school safety and communication, while Status Solutions Network funds safety initiatives in schools through its digital advertising platform. Together, they’re dedicated to creating safer learning environments for students, staff and families.
Check Out These Additional Resources
Dive into these resources for more information and strategies to recognize students in trouble and offer them the support they need.
Michelle Denault’s website: Michelle Denault - Public Speaking, Trainings, Professional Developments, Student Education
RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): https://rainn.org/
S.E.S.A.M.E.: https://www.sesamenet.org/
U.S. Center for Safesport: https://uscenterforsafesport.org/
Darkness to Light: https://www.d2l.org/
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